About Me

I started this blog to keep track of my kitchen creations. I love cooking and eating. In 2008 I was diagnosed with RA. Food started becoming a huge problem. I needed to find a better way to eat the flavors I love. All the recipes I create are driven by my desire to eat good food that won't create extra pain and inflammation in my internal ecosystem. While the recipes are wholesome, the language is not. I swear. I use the word 'fuck'. A lot! I make no apologies for that. It's just a fair warning. I'm raw and real. Happy cooking! Even happier eating! Cheers! Angie

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Chocolate Cream Pie

Sometimes throwing shit in the blender comes out, well, like shit. Other times throwing shit in the blender works like magic. Usually I try something before sharing it. This was not one of those times. I wasn't sure how well the peach/kefir smoothie I was making was gonna go over with my coach so I decided to make him something different. I never tried it before I gave it to him.  His reaction........he said it tasted like chocolate cream pie. Score!!!

2 cups chocolate almond milk
1/4 cup of peanut butter 
6 Medjool dates
2 tablespoons of instant espresso
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (whatever the fuck kind you want)
Ice cubes

Throw all that shit in the blender and blend the fuck out of it!

Horchata Smoothie

Horchata or Orxata, is several kinds of traditional beverages from Spain and Latin America made with a variety of things including tiger nuts (Spain) rice, almonds, sesame seeds, barely, jícaro, (Latin America) and a variety of spices including cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and rum. 

Horchata has become one of my favorite things to drink and I wanted to do more than throw some already-made shit in the blender with ice but I also wanted this to be easier to make than the real thing. 

The picture isnt the greatest. It was so damn good that I chugged it before I realized I forgot to take a pic. 

2 cups of unsweetened almond milk
1/2 cup of almond butter
1/4 cup of raw almonds
1 banana
6 Medjool dates 
3 tablespoons of cinnamon 
12ish ice cubes

Throw all that shit in the blender until it's blended!  Easy peasy!

Monday, April 18, 2016

Damn Good Balls

I love leaving experiments for people to try and not saying anything about them and just sitting back and waiting for a reaction/comment/suggestion/etc.  I never know who I might choose as a guinea pig, but no matter who I choose, I'm never disappointed in their reaction, even if what I made tastes like shit.  I'm happy to say that my coach, the guinea pig of this food experiment, did not disappoint in the reaction department.  Fucking hilarious opening a text from him saying "Those are the best balls I have even had!", just as my boss walked into my classroom.  He was greeted by me crying because I was laughing so hard. How do I explain THAT when he asks me what's so funny?

My all-time favorite SNL skit is, without a doubt, 'The Delicious Dish' skit starring Molly Shannon as Teri and Ana Gasteyer as Margaret Jo where they feature Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy from Season's Eating and his famous Schweddy Balls. If you have no idea what I'm talking about you best click the link!  Schweddy Balls  This skit produced some of the best ball-related one-liners ever!  So let me tell you about these balls and see how many of those one-liners I can squeeze into this recipe!

Deez balls are full of protein and have a great sweet-salty flavor.  Who doesn't love a little salt in their balls?  These balls glisten with the ample amount of healthy oils.  They are so tender and they smell wonderful!  My mouth is watering just thinking about these balls!  You aren't going to be able to wait to get your mouth around them!

1 cup of salted nut butter (how can you NOT smile reading THAT?!)
1/2 cup raw honey or 1/2 cup pure maple syrup (none of that fake shit)
1/2 cup Enjoy Life mini chips (because you can't enjoy my balls without chocolate)
1 cup Irish oats or steel cut oats (based on personal preference)
1/2 cup raw, unsweetened coconut flakes
1/4 cup ground flax (no whole seeds because that shit doesn't digest well)
1/4 cup chia seeds (whole are fine)
1/4 cup hemp seeds or hemp powder (again, personal preference)
1 scoop of your favorite vanilla flavored protein
1 tablespoon of ground cinnamon 
1 tablespoon of maca powder
1 tablespoon of mesquite powder
1 tablespoon of lucuma powder
1 teaspoon Himalayan salt

If you want to make these balls paleo, balls that a caveman would be proud to swing, don't use peanut butter.  Instead use almond, cashew, sesame, or some other tree nut butter.  Replace the oats with extra flax, chia, hemp, and coconut flakes in any ratio you want as long as it equals a cup.

To make these beautiful balls, throw all that shit into a bowl and mix the fuck out of it until it's combined.  If you have a cookie scoop, use that to make your balls.  Otherwise measure out a heaping tablespoon for each ball.

Roll them gently but firmly until they are round.  If you roll them too long, your balls may become misshapen from the heat of your hands.  They may even melt a little bit.  These balls are very delicate.

Cover them carefully and store them in the refrigerator.  

Take life by the balls Champ!  Eat these salty, nutty balls and eat them often!  Angie